Heart of stone

My heart is stone,
Igneous rock.
Wrapped in chains
With sturdy lock.
Garbed in whole
By frigid frock.

I am monk,
Of pain and rage.
Railing madness
On this stage.
Gladly locked
Within my cage.

Care no more
If I exist.
Glorious
And blinding bliss.
I am nothing
More than this.

My life, it,
Is not my own.
I am but
A haunting tone.
Forever more
To be alone.

No one looks,
And no one cares.
I am stripped
So fully bare.
Of me you,
Should now beware.

For i have
Not one thing left.
God has kicked me
From the cleft.
Of joy i,
Am now bereft.

Joy and love and hope
Are lies.
All that I
Have left
Is ice.
Numbness though,
Is mighty nice.

nothing is better than nothing

Nothing is better than nothing!

Nothing, oh isn't it GRAND!

I show you, everyone, nothing,

If you will just take my hand!

Far beyond the outmost reaches

of our very own existence

something so malignant tries to hide.

I can feel it lurking there

just like a cloud up in the air

made of such an unforgiving tide.

I will not tell you its name

for it would drive us all insane,

its the madness we all hide inside.

I've fallen, too far

to ever come back home.

I've fallen, too far,

I will always be alone.

https://soundcloud.com/nobody_at_all/gibber?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

nothing is better than nothing

Nothing is better than nothing!

Nothing, oh isn't it GRAND!

I show you, everyone, nothing,

If you will just take my hand!

Far beyond the outmost reaches

of our very own existence

something so malignant tries to hide.

I can feel it lurking there

just like a cloud up in the air

made of such an unforgiving tide.

I will not tell you its name

for it would drive us all insane,

its the madness we all hide inside.

I've fallen, too far

to ever come back home.

I've fallen, too far,

I will always be alone.

Here We Go Again!

As soon as I woke,
anxiety took,
ahold of my soul and it SQUEEZED.

The breath left my lungs,
a few tears met my eyes,
I laid in my bed and just cringed.

I forced myself slowly
to rise and survey,
the sun as it danced through the glass.

I thought to myself:
"every day that has be so thus far,
is now past".

I didn't feel better.
Not really, at all.
I just forced myself to move on.

Though things are bleak,
I will stand on my feet,
and march on along through the day.

My heart it is heavy,
my eyes they are weary,
I'm tired and sick and I'm sad.

Yet I know one day
if I just move along
I will reach the times that aren't so bad.

Mornin'

The dawn breaks through a faux velvet blanket curtain.
I hate to see the sun rise and dispel the darkness
with its unwelcome warmth upon my skin.
My cheap dirty box fan struggles futility to keep me cool
in this squalid oven of a mobile home.
I sneer narcissistically at my first world problems.
Light up a cigarette, the first of many.
Hunger is something I do not know.
Others starve, but I, do not wish to eat.
Why am I even writing this?
Who will see? Only strangers that do not care.
This apathy is all I have.
I await death with solemn indifference.
Today is a good day to die.
But I am not that fortunate.
Too much of a coward to commit suicide directly.
Instead, I prolong my suffering,
drinking in each anguish like fine wine.
Delighting, in the misery of life.

Sad Morning

Once again I think of you,

As I wake and always do,

But I only sit and stew,

Feeling lonely sad and blue.

I just don’t know what to do,

I can’t even talk to you,

No good morning or I love you.

Words we share not even few.

I try to banish my love

Calling out to God above,

But it will not go away

I guess it is here to stay.

Why do I still even care,

When I know you won’t be there,

Already laid my heart bare,

Covered now with bleeding tears.

But I know it’s my own fault,

Being lost in blackest dark,

Did not consider your heart,

Barely let our love even start.

Could not take my own advice,

To be patient kind and nice,

Now I must pay horrid price,

I have chased her far now thrice!

I just can’t even feel right,

What has happened to my might?

For a week I was so bright,

Now I weep sad and contrite.

Just could not leave you alone

Now I gnash my teeth and moan

Writhe and cry with feeble groans

Heart and soul so very prone

I can’t write this anymore,

My soul is so very torn,

And I feel far too forlorn,

Our love I will always mourn.

Love's Keening Wail of Death

Oh please, oh no, say it is not so!

My love has now told me to go.

Said to me with heart of stone:

“Show your face to me no more

And just leave me the hell alone!

You are dark as earthen loam!

Never shall you bring me home!

Your mouth it froths with rabid foam!”

How can I learn to stow this woe

Which permeates my very soul?

Now I wander to and fro

Fighting my eternal foe

With no spear nor knife nor bow,

Only pain ‘pon me bestowed.

Love for me shall never grow,

A pleasure I shall never know,

Death for me comes far too slow.

Let my eyes be picked by crows.

God I beg thee take me home,

Or let me fall so far below,

For I no longer wish to roam.

Turn the last page of my tome

As I kneel before your throne

Let me keen my final tone

All this to thee I do bemoan.

Undeserving

I am a putrid cesspool of depression and despair.
Let me dwell in the dark plane,
curled in a ball atop my wall.
I am forgotten existence,
a well of nothingness.
Never remaining happy,
a lost child,
heart, mind, and soul.
A pillar of gibbering insanity,
let me finish my work.
I will write,
until my final word flows,
upon the parchment of my demise.
All the things I used to enjoy,
faded from my id.
The super ego writhing in its death throws.
I am undeserving of love.

Displeasure of the Flesh

I want to feel joy.

Yet, I fail at forcing it to the surface.

I am a stranger to myself.

The only thing I really know,

Is that I am.

My heart, 

is full of anger, rage, and despair.

They are buried deep inside

A pit with walls of loneliness and sorrow. 

Always seeking yet never finding.

Eternally here, and never there.

I am slowly killed by earthly toxins,

dis-pleasures, of the flesh.

Life is short, and I am thankful.

Hum Drum

There is so much to do.

Yet I can do none of it.

I can barely keep my eyes open,

or keep my face lifted.

I slept until late afternoon today.

And all I want to do,

is go back to bed.

Pain only increases,

body and soul.

My heart is weak,

my head is in agony,

and my lungs strain for breath.

The will to live barely clings.

Stubbornly hanging to a few threads.

At times I wake up,

and wish I hadn't.

So I sit here in abject boredom.

For nothing relieves my emptiness.

I am a hollow being wrought of misery.

This Slow Death

I'm dying.

How long will it take?

This slow death wears upon me.

I know, I am on my way.

I eat like a bird,

yet I possess no hunger.

Not even a drop of desire,

to let food pass my lips.

Maybe that is why I am so tired?

But how can I eat?

The very thought of it makes me want to vomit.

Sleep, is the only thing I want.

The only thing I can seem to do.

My chest is tight,

and my thoughts are dim.

If its coming, let it come sooner than later.

What to Say

I do not know what to say,

I wish it all would go away.

Me, a broken jar of clay,

boring, hopeless, tragic play.

I am full of deep dismay,

sadness is all I convey,

nothing good do I display,

slowly here I do decay.

Lost here now within the fray,

wow these words are so cliche.

Life for me is grim and gray,

hope I don't wake to see the day.

Feeling So Cold

I am less than nothing.

Not even a worm.

Done with any wanting.

Always cold, not warm.

I will be forgotten.

Not even a trace.

My soul is dark and rotten.

Oblivion my place.

No longer like living.

I am the undead.

Unworthy of forgiving,

Deep cold earth my bed.

Should have died at birth,

really wish i had,

I've no time for mirth,

with numbness I am clad.

Neither sad nor happy.

And not in between.

Epitome of crappy,

I'm but a latrine.

Just forget about me.

Not worthy of your time.

At least you can now be free,

as long as you aren't mine.

My mind is just  a desert,

frozen arctic ice.

With disaster I flirt,

I want no advice.

Please just someone kill me,

please just let me die.

This is my one last plea,

I beg you to comply.

Happiness^-1

Nothing that I ever do

can seem to help me break right through

the walls I've built with my issues,

I think my brain might need a coup.

I am lost within myself

and no one else can seem to help.

I am but a wailing whelp

crying out with painful yelp.

Always feeling so abandoned,

mired, lost, forgotten, stranded,

with despair my heart is branded,

need to have my head examined.

Constantly feel sad and tired,

misery all I've acquired,

lost all that I have desired,

my own mind I've not deciphered.

My Anxiety

Anxiety is filling me and I just don't know what I need

to do to keep my heart inside my chest.

Now my pulse is hammering and all my words are stammering

it feels like I am stuck inside a test.

All these people yammering and blathering of everything

I really think my mind could use a rest.

 Now I just lay on my bed I'm filling with such awful dread

 I never thought that I could be this stressed.

I can not seem to conceive exactly what is happening

and all I know is i feel quite distressed.

What the hell is wrong with me and why am I here simpering

sometimes I think that I am just possessed.

Yet More Emo Garbage

I am lost within my misery.

Eyes so dim that I can barely see.

Not sure what to do to be set free.

So tired of trying to be me.

Ready to give up the fight

I have lost most of my might

Body taunt, chest tight

fallen from the highest height.

Can't, eat, nor, sleep,

these, eyes, won't, weep

laying, silent, in a, heap,

upon me my death does creep.

Go away leave me alone,

let me suffer, wail, and moan,

for-ev-er more I am prone,

lost my universal tone.

Just, let, me, die,

I don't even want to try,

Won't, say, good, bye,

for, me, don't, cry.

I, am, so, cold

in and out, you have been told,

lungs, full, of, mold,

oh I feel so very old.

run, while, you, can,

I am just a shell of man.

see, my, gnarled, hands,

I can barely walk or stand.

I'm, the, one, whom

is filled to the brim with gloom.

I'm, my, 0wn, doom,

locked within my tired tomb.

Hate, this, wretched, life,

it is only pain and strife.

Bring, on, the, scythe,

death will be a welcome sight.

Trying and Failing

I try so hard at all I do

but that is not enough.

Twelve hour days at work, trudge through,

with only the difficult stuff.

Rarely a break, I do all I can take,

make enough just to barely get by.

My joy and my smile are terribly fake,

and I just want to lay down and cry.

Lonely, fatigued, and so very sore,

in the grand scheme I'm an ant.

Everything to me has become such a bore,

I try to stay happy, but can't.

My resolve, it quickly wears thin,

and soon I'll fall flat on my face.

Should have know that I couldn't win,

since I place last every race.

I wasted my life so I pay the price,

my currency, sorrow, despair.

My head it is trapped in unyielding ice,

and I find that I no longer care.

So I sit here and I think to myself,

"man... why do I even try?"

All that I want is on too high a shelf,

and so I keep reaching, that's why.

Heart of Ice

I can't sleep and I can't eat,

can barely even feel my feet.

I tongue my broken shattered teeth,

what happened to my belief.

Never meant to feel this way

but now it seems it's here to stay.

Locked within these cold hard veins,

from my cage never to stray.

I will be forever more,

trapped behind sorrows stout door.

I am frozen to the core,

with an icy frigid hoar.

Cover me with ice and cold,

rot my guts with arctic mold,

empty now my once full hold,

I am drifting uncontrolled.

Come aboard my ghastly ship,

and from my cup of sorrows sip.

Kiss my bleeding frozen lips,

from my chest my heart please rip.

Deep within this permafrost,

I am so happily lost.

On the sea of torment tossed,

on my heart, despair embossed.

Joy and hope and light and love,

far from me I'll have them shoved.

These are not things I am of,

what a sad pathetic rub.

I will molder here alone,

belting out with dreary drone,

metered with misery's moan,

such a sad and haunting tone.

Meaning What?

I don't mean to sound contrived

but I don't want to be alive.

Into death to take a dive

so deep that I do not survive.

Set me free from mortal chore

for life is such a horrid bore.

I just don't like it anymore

and want to walk the golden shore.

Each day is harder than the last

one that has come and now is past.

Untie me now from the mast

for misery is unsurpassed.

Every second getting closer

to the day I am no more sir.

Thought I could be a composer

but I was only a poser.

I wish tonight I could have slept

so death my life could intercept.

In my rest upon me crept

so dawn from my eyes was kept.

I think I should end my life

with pills or jump or  steely knife.

I'm just tired of the strife

the tragedy and pain so rife.

I am going to sleep now

and hope and pray and plead somehow.

That the gods do not allow

mine eyes to open on my brow.

Thought at first that love could save me

from my head so weak and hazy.

Now it seems a thought so crazy

for thoughts of hope were far too hasty.

And I know that somebody

will show her these words that I bleed.

Then she'll run farther from me

and her face I will never see.

Wish we could have had a chance

besides this long distance romance.

I am lost within my trance

and now within my mind we dance.

I love you so very much

that I know I am just a crutch.

My love for you now is such

that I won't taint you with my touch.

One day you will forget me

it won't be very hard you see.

At least then you will be free

from my epic tragedy.

:O AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My thought processes are busted,

swatches of my mind rusted,

so maladjusted I'm disgusted,

with myself, above all else,

this shell, locked in a hellish cell,

with a keening knell I can not dispel!

I must attest, that my mind is a gibbering mess,

I lust for rest, it's high time to end this bantering stress!

I need to be free of this anxiety before it kills me you see!

Already on my knees, as I plead, for release, surrounded, by my own debris!

Too many pieces are missing.

I'm pissing away all my time!

I can feel everything slipping,

dripping right out of my mind!

Here I am writhing and twisting,

wishing I wasn't confined!

Who tell me who is still listening?

I'm listing here on my side!

My head, will not stay still!

I'm filled, with dreadful trills.

So shrill, I'm feeling so ill,

gonna spill, my guts....

I''m going nuts!

A mental klutz!

If life's a joke, then I'm the butt.