Mornin'

The dawn breaks through a faux velvet blanket curtain.
I hate to see the sun rise and dispel the darkness
with its unwelcome warmth upon my skin.
My cheap dirty box fan struggles futility to keep me cool
in this squalid oven of a mobile home.
I sneer narcissistically at my first world problems.
Light up a cigarette, the first of many.
Hunger is something I do not know.
Others starve, but I, do not wish to eat.
Why am I even writing this?
Who will see? Only strangers that do not care.
This apathy is all I have.
I await death with solemn indifference.
Today is a good day to die.
But I am not that fortunate.
Too much of a coward to commit suicide directly.
Instead, I prolong my suffering,
drinking in each anguish like fine wine.
Delighting, in the misery of life.

Some Possible Irony

The one's I wish would read my meager writings, don't.
So, I write, to nobody but myself.
It is hard not to feel as if nobody cares,
even the one who says they do.
You will never read my words,
even though I beg and plead.
It as if you want to keep me a secret.
A shameful unwanted remembrance.
Accidental love, soon to be discarded.
And yet, you will ever know how I feel.
I can't tell you, it causes too much drama.
There is nothing I can do,
except watch us slowly fall apart
One day I will wake,
and you will be gone,
I will never hear from you again.
I said I would cope.
But, I won't.
I'm not even coping now
and you are still there, sort of.
I already feel like I've lost you.
Or rather, never "had" you to begin with.
Love, what a cruel joke.
Beautiful disaster and bitter sweet symphony.

Said you Loved me

Said you loved me, you were scared.

Bottled feelings rarely shared.

Tried to help and tried too hard.

We could not go very far.

Said that you would help forever

Even though we’re not together

But you left me all alone,

Never caring for my moans.

Should have known that love could die,

But at least you really tried.

I’m a talker you are not,

So you just leave me to rot.

Tried to show how much I loved,

But I guess I really shoved.

Swallowed demons by the legions

Each and ev’ry place and region.

Howled for you so very hard,

Played the poet and the bard.

Now you hate me and I weep

As my blood begins to seep

From my eyes and from my soul

Lay me down inside my hole.

Chased my mate so far away,

Never had the chance to play.

No more hope for love have I

All that I can do is cry.

I guess I am just insane,

My visions are really lame.

Guess my brain is sick and frail

Since I hear the spirits’ wails.

Who can love a crazy man

With no ambition or plans?

Never want another mate

All they ever do is hate.

But I must always reveal

All the things I think are real.

Love's Keening Wail of Death

Oh please, oh no, say it is not so!

My love has now told me to go.

Said to me with heart of stone:

“Show your face to me no more

And just leave me the hell alone!

You are dark as earthen loam!

Never shall you bring me home!

Your mouth it froths with rabid foam!”

How can I learn to stow this woe

Which permeates my very soul?

Now I wander to and fro

Fighting my eternal foe

With no spear nor knife nor bow,

Only pain ‘pon me bestowed.

Love for me shall never grow,

A pleasure I shall never know,

Death for me comes far too slow.

Let my eyes be picked by crows.

God I beg thee take me home,

Or let me fall so far below,

For I no longer wish to roam.

Turn the last page of my tome

As I kneel before your throne

Let me keen my final tone

All this to thee I do bemoan.

Undeserving

I am a putrid cesspool of depression and despair.
Let me dwell in the dark plane,
curled in a ball atop my wall.
I am forgotten existence,
a well of nothingness.
Never remaining happy,
a lost child,
heart, mind, and soul.
A pillar of gibbering insanity,
let me finish my work.
I will write,
until my final word flows,
upon the parchment of my demise.
All the things I used to enjoy,
faded from my id.
The super ego writhing in its death throws.
I am undeserving of love.

Hum Drum

There is so much to do.

Yet I can do none of it.

I can barely keep my eyes open,

or keep my face lifted.

I slept until late afternoon today.

And all I want to do,

is go back to bed.

Pain only increases,

body and soul.

My heart is weak,

my head is in agony,

and my lungs strain for breath.

The will to live barely clings.

Stubbornly hanging to a few threads.

At times I wake up,

and wish I hadn't.

So I sit here in abject boredom.

For nothing relieves my emptiness.

I am a hollow being wrought of misery.

Tired Despair

I just want to lay down and cry,

and yet I really don't know why.

All I want to do is fly,

far away after I die.

Things are going so awry,

my mind feels like its finally fried.

Will I make it to July?

That is something I can't descry.

Feels like I am being ignored

as I sit here so sad and bored

and think that I might be abhorred

by the ones I so adore.

Sadness now is my award,

misery my one accord.

Will I ever be restored?

Or will I fall upon my sword?

I wish that I didn't care

for my heart it is stripped so bare.

I run my fingers through my hair

as I lay here and despair.

My life is a short opere

that ends with eulogistic prayer.

Can I even be repaired?

I doubt it, I am too impaired.

I guess it is all a game,

one that is so long and lame.

One without a single aim,

except for misery and pain.

So I'll just sit here and complain

for on myself lies all the blame.

What can I ever reclaim?

Nothing, just what I became.

Yet More Emo Garbage

I am lost within my misery.

Eyes so dim that I can barely see.

Not sure what to do to be set free.

So tired of trying to be me.

Ready to give up the fight

I have lost most of my might

Body taunt, chest tight

fallen from the highest height.

Can't, eat, nor, sleep,

these, eyes, won't, weep

laying, silent, in a, heap,

upon me my death does creep.

Go away leave me alone,

let me suffer, wail, and moan,

for-ev-er more I am prone,

lost my universal tone.

Just, let, me, die,

I don't even want to try,

Won't, say, good, bye,

for, me, don't, cry.

I, am, so, cold

in and out, you have been told,

lungs, full, of, mold,

oh I feel so very old.

run, while, you, can,

I am just a shell of man.

see, my, gnarled, hands,

I can barely walk or stand.

I'm, the, one, whom

is filled to the brim with gloom.

I'm, my, 0wn, doom,

locked within my tired tomb.

Hate, this, wretched, life,

it is only pain and strife.

Bring, on, the, scythe,

death will be a welcome sight.

:O AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My thought processes are busted,

swatches of my mind rusted,

so maladjusted I'm disgusted,

with myself, above all else,

this shell, locked in a hellish cell,

with a keening knell I can not dispel!

I must attest, that my mind is a gibbering mess,

I lust for rest, it's high time to end this bantering stress!

I need to be free of this anxiety before it kills me you see!

Already on my knees, as I plead, for release, surrounded, by my own debris!

Too many pieces are missing.

I'm pissing away all my time!

I can feel everything slipping,

dripping right out of my mind!

Here I am writhing and twisting,

wishing I wasn't confined!

Who tell me who is still listening?

I'm listing here on my side!

My head, will not stay still!

I'm filled, with dreadful trills.

So shrill, I'm feeling so ill,

gonna spill, my guts....

I''m going nuts!

A mental klutz!

If life's a joke, then I'm the butt.

Steel

Steel myself, for the worst,

still I know that it will hurt.

My heart is already broken,

From the words that lie unspoken.

Stumbling through a freezing blizzard,

barren lands frozen and withered,

hoping I will be delivered,

as I trudge so weak and shivered.

Arctic desert, hear its chime,

stretching till the dawn of time,

just a sliver of the rind,

of which lies inside  my mind.

Sheath my heart, metallic ice,

blanket it, much more than thrice,

numbness can, feel mighty nice,

when it is, your own device.

Force myself, to just not care,

about what will, or will not bear,

fruit praiseworthy, of its share.

Without trees, the orchard's bare.

Iron, copper, in my blood,

I can taste it, on my tongue,

I am golem, I am mud,

Irony, of atoms strung.

Ever looming constant battle,

tenuous defense from babble,

tempestuously tinny rattle,

tempest tossed, I try to grapple

with the thoughts within my head,

that so mal ig nan tly sperad.

"Think of other things instead"?

I TRY! But all I hear is DREAD!

Smoke another cigarette,

yoke up with some more regret,

frantically fight not to fret,

and lose, as I break out in sweat.

So I'll mire here alone,

whispering my haunting tone,

blowing on with dreary drone,

only reaping what I've sown.

Whyning Plea

I am not worthy of your time.

Not worth more than a "hey" or 'hi".

Not worth a goodnight reply.

Do you want to say goodbye?

You say that you don't ignore me,

but that's exactly how it seems!

Now the heartache starts to team,

and I unravel at my seams.

If you want to let me go,

then PLEASE just hurry up and do so!

I already feel so low,

what's more pain for me to sow?

 Do not waste your time on me,

I am only misery,

In time I guess you will see,

and then you'll want to be set free.

Ignore Me Please

 Ignore me, it's cool, see, there's nothing, that I need, to do, anymore.

for soon I, will be freed, there will be, no stressing, or raps on, my door.

The best thing, for you'd be, to try and, forget me, I am, no more.

Times seem, to seek the, impending, transiting, the end of the, chore.

Love me, and hate me, berate me and fake me,

I don't see, further need, to not be, absentee,

I'm losing, and sinking, back into, my hole.

Don't try to save me, forget me, flee from me,

can't banish this feeling, I won't try any more.

You won't, talk to me, it has been, for days see

Even though, I plead, and cry on my knees, we

are lost in the storm.

It was nice, knowing thee, but now we're just joking.

Why try, anymore?

Do You Even Know?

I don't think you know how much
this silence hurts, my heart I clutch.

This, may finally see me dead!
For I, am nearly fully bled.

Beating organ, broken down,
as I wail, pitiful sound.
You are here, but not around,
all in time, I will expound.

I have called to you for help,
with my little wolfy yelp.
Yet I'm too far back, on the shelf,
and I no longer want myself.

Don't think I can last much longer.
Your will must be so much stronger,
Than what little I have left,
Stashed within my feeble cleft.
A month or two, and not much more.
then I'll be free of the chore.
This life is a horrid bore
that I no longer have strength for.

The Start of the Fall

Its how it starts,
The little lies,
That brings the tears
to lovers' eyes.

"I love you",
yes,
this I know,
but it takes more
than words to show,
that which heals
and makes us grow,
I want to free us
from the snow.

As I am shut out,
I will,
fight and shout,
I won't go still.
I shall rant and rave until,
you find my words
so very shrill!

My love for you,
so very strong
that I will just
be pulled along,
like a fish right
on the hook,
I'm a dusty
open book.

Hear me whine
and hear me plead!
Can you not
hear my soul sing?
Tell me 

what...
is happening...
and listen

to my pleading rings.