Over and Over

Not sure what to say or do.
Still obsessing over you.
Sleep won't come, no appetite,
no more feelings of delight.
Why do I feel like we're done,
when we have not yet begun?
We barely talk, nothing to share,
both our hearts are cold and bare.
I do not feel I'm the one,
that you love, our time is done.
Would have loved you all my days,
with you, wanted to laugh and play.
But I guess that will not be,
I am too full of suffering.
My heart, broken before we met,
I can't be fixed, already set.
On depression grim and deep,
how my eyes so often weep.
And so I slowly fade away,
until the not so distant day,
when we end this tragic play.

The Wolf and the Shark

One day the wolf said to the shark,
fellow hunter, take my heart.
Eat it raw for all I care,
it is empty, sad, and bare.

To me it is a useless thing
that only brings me suffering.
Chomp it down and chew it up,
on my heart I bid thee sup.

And so the shark with pearly teeth,
from the Caribbean reef,
did just what the wolf did ask,
made of it a short repast.

Give me more the shark did cry,
why, its taste was so divine!
But the wolf had nothing left,
and crawled off, of his heart bereft.

In the forest of great trees,
he lied down to find release.
Felt no fear or suffering
as he heard the angels sing.

Then the great spirit did ask,
where is your heart, answer me fast!
Great one, I gave it away,
I do not have it here today.

Go and find it, then come back,
with no heart entrance you lack.
And so the wolf went to the sea,
but the shark was absentee.

So he wandered to and fro,
through deserts both sand and snow,
sniffing snuffing at the breeze,
running rapid though the trees,
searching through air land and sea,
but his heart, he could not see.

Some Possible Irony

The one's I wish would read my meager writings, don't.
So, I write, to nobody but myself.
It is hard not to feel as if nobody cares,
even the one who says they do.
You will never read my words,
even though I beg and plead.
It as if you want to keep me a secret.
A shameful unwanted remembrance.
Accidental love, soon to be discarded.
And yet, you will ever know how I feel.
I can't tell you, it causes too much drama.
There is nothing I can do,
except watch us slowly fall apart
One day I will wake,
and you will be gone,
I will never hear from you again.
I said I would cope.
But, I won't.
I'm not even coping now
and you are still there, sort of.
I already feel like I've lost you.
Or rather, never "had" you to begin with.
Love, what a cruel joke.
Beautiful disaster and bitter sweet symphony.

Silence

The silence tells me all I need to hear.
There's no chance you'll ever want me near.
And though I must now face my worst fears.
In my heart I'll always hold you dear.

We never even had a chance to try.
All that I can do is wail and cry.
Do not be afraid to tell my bye.
I will rise and heal again in time.

I'm just glad that you can love again.
In this way we all will truly win.
I will banish all this pain within.
And one day my life I will begin.

Not sure why you had to let me go.
Wish you would have at least let just me know.
And while I am still lost amidst the snow,
at least we can both now start to grow.

I will always think fondly of you.
It wasn't long till our love you outgrew.
Yes right now i feel so down and blue,
but my trials I always get trough.

Lift my head and wipe my tired eyes.
Wait for us to say our new goodbyes.
Love is born but yet it also dies.
After it all, from ashes, hope it flies.

Hum Drum

There is so much to do.

Yet I can do none of it.

I can barely keep my eyes open,

or keep my face lifted.

I slept until late afternoon today.

And all I want to do,

is go back to bed.

Pain only increases,

body and soul.

My heart is weak,

my head is in agony,

and my lungs strain for breath.

The will to live barely clings.

Stubbornly hanging to a few threads.

At times I wake up,

and wish I hadn't.

So I sit here in abject boredom.

For nothing relieves my emptiness.

I am a hollow being wrought of misery.

Tired Despair

I just want to lay down and cry,

and yet I really don't know why.

All I want to do is fly,

far away after I die.

Things are going so awry,

my mind feels like its finally fried.

Will I make it to July?

That is something I can't descry.

Feels like I am being ignored

as I sit here so sad and bored

and think that I might be abhorred

by the ones I so adore.

Sadness now is my award,

misery my one accord.

Will I ever be restored?

Or will I fall upon my sword?

I wish that I didn't care

for my heart it is stripped so bare.

I run my fingers through my hair

as I lay here and despair.

My life is a short opere

that ends with eulogistic prayer.

Can I even be repaired?

I doubt it, I am too impaired.

I guess it is all a game,

one that is so long and lame.

One without a single aim,

except for misery and pain.

So I'll just sit here and complain

for on myself lies all the blame.

What can I ever reclaim?

Nothing, just what I became.

Consuming Love

How can I begin to explain,

these feelings in my soul.

To define without refrain,
without seeming so droll.

I yearn for you, I burn for you,
more than I even know.
Can barely put it into words,
but still I long to show.

I'm addicted, afflicted,
away from you, restricted.
Feel like a, love sick kid,
I'm yours, I'm convicted.
All tied up, and twisted,
Just as I, predicted.

And my desire for you is a fire growing ever higher,
it will never start to fade nor will it ever cease or tire.
I would walk a million miles through the murkiest of mires,
Marching midst the deepest briers just to try and see you smile.

Every day, I stay away, I start to sway, a little more.
In a way, well you could say, this fray that I, call life's a bore.
So I pray, with howling brays, oh please allay, this maze, this chore.
Traipse with me through ocean waves and lay with me upon the shore.

We don't have very long to live, well, nor does any one.
The most important day in life is but the one you're on.
One day we won't wake and find that all the days are gone.
Life itself is something that does not last very long.
I need to be close to you, to your story and your song..
I just want to be with you before we sound our gongs.

Bringing Me Down

I'm bringing me down and that's bringing me down.

I do not know anything else.

I wear a shattered bleeding crown,

I just can't help myself.

Spiraling into my hell,

I'm ringing out the broken bells,

no one else can even tell,

the depths of fear that I here quell.

Suddenly I feel like fleeing

from myself and all my bleating,

oh this horrid sinking feeling,

like something upon me feeding.

Something evil and malignant,

but I know its but a figment.

I am just so damned indignant,

plus my brain's damaged equipment.

I am trapped within this world

my sails to never be unfurled.

Through this orbit I am hurled,

in fetal position curled.

I let down all those I love,

and they'd be wise to be rid of

this tainted crazy mutant dove,

far from them me yes they should shove.

So now I ruin everything

that was supposed to make me sing.

Addicted to my suffering

and all the trauma that it brings.

Happiness^-1

Nothing that I ever do

can seem to help me break right through

the walls I've built with my issues,

I think my brain might need a coup.

I am lost within myself

and no one else can seem to help.

I am but a wailing whelp

crying out with painful yelp.

Always feeling so abandoned,

mired, lost, forgotten, stranded,

with despair my heart is branded,

need to have my head examined.

Constantly feel sad and tired,

misery all I've acquired,

lost all that I have desired,

my own mind I've not deciphered.

Meaning What?

I don't mean to sound contrived

but I don't want to be alive.

Into death to take a dive

so deep that I do not survive.

Set me free from mortal chore

for life is such a horrid bore.

I just don't like it anymore

and want to walk the golden shore.

Each day is harder than the last

one that has come and now is past.

Untie me now from the mast

for misery is unsurpassed.

Every second getting closer

to the day I am no more sir.

Thought I could be a composer

but I was only a poser.

I wish tonight I could have slept

so death my life could intercept.

In my rest upon me crept

so dawn from my eyes was kept.

I think I should end my life

with pills or jump or  steely knife.

I'm just tired of the strife

the tragedy and pain so rife.

I am going to sleep now

and hope and pray and plead somehow.

That the gods do not allow

mine eyes to open on my brow.

Thought at first that love could save me

from my head so weak and hazy.

Now it seems a thought so crazy

for thoughts of hope were far too hasty.

And I know that somebody

will show her these words that I bleed.

Then she'll run farther from me

and her face I will never see.

Wish we could have had a chance

besides this long distance romance.

I am lost within my trance

and now within my mind we dance.

I love you so very much

that I know I am just a crutch.

My love for you now is such

that I won't taint you with my touch.

One day you will forget me

it won't be very hard you see.

At least then you will be free

from my epic tragedy.

Whyning Plea

I am not worthy of your time.

Not worth more than a "hey" or 'hi".

Not worth a goodnight reply.

Do you want to say goodbye?

You say that you don't ignore me,

but that's exactly how it seems!

Now the heartache starts to team,

and I unravel at my seams.

If you want to let me go,

then PLEASE just hurry up and do so!

I already feel so low,

what's more pain for me to sow?

 Do not waste your time on me,

I am only misery,

In time I guess you will see,

and then you'll want to be set free.

Ignore Me Please

 Ignore me, it's cool, see, there's nothing, that I need, to do, anymore.

for soon I, will be freed, there will be, no stressing, or raps on, my door.

The best thing, for you'd be, to try and, forget me, I am, no more.

Times seem, to seek the, impending, transiting, the end of the, chore.

Love me, and hate me, berate me and fake me,

I don't see, further need, to not be, absentee,

I'm losing, and sinking, back into, my hole.

Don't try to save me, forget me, flee from me,

can't banish this feeling, I won't try any more.

You won't, talk to me, it has been, for days see

Even though, I plead, and cry on my knees, we

are lost in the storm.

It was nice, knowing thee, but now we're just joking.

Why try, anymore?

Do You Even Know?

I don't think you know how much
this silence hurts, my heart I clutch.

This, may finally see me dead!
For I, am nearly fully bled.

Beating organ, broken down,
as I wail, pitiful sound.
You are here, but not around,
all in time, I will expound.

I have called to you for help,
with my little wolfy yelp.
Yet I'm too far back, on the shelf,
and I no longer want myself.

Don't think I can last much longer.
Your will must be so much stronger,
Than what little I have left,
Stashed within my feeble cleft.
A month or two, and not much more.
then I'll be free of the chore.
This life is a horrid bore
that I no longer have strength for.

Driving Myself Crazy

No idea what's going on,

when you respond it takes so long.

What has happened to our song,

why do things now seem so wrong?

Ignored and forgotten,

my guts are all rotten,

oh what have I gotten

myself into now!

Barely talk anymore

as if I am a chore,

oh yes, some awful bore

that is bringing you down.

My heart torn asunder,

perhaps I'm a blunder?

I sit here and wonder,

when you'll be around.

 Why do you ignore me

It's driving me crazy

And now all I see

are my tears on the ground.