My Curse

My life has been cursed

by a curse so profound

that it tears me apart

and it brings my soul down.

Down to the depths,

of Hades itself,

where day turns to night

and my soul cries for help.

Help from above

or help from below.

Which shall it be and oh

how shall I know?

I know that I wander

so lost and afraid,

until the day that

my body is laid.

Down in the earth 

or perhaps in the sea.

All that I know

is that this fragile being

shall be scattered one day

as the dust in the wind.

Forgotten by all of my

fam'ly and friends.

They too you see

shall become but as dirt.

And none of us ever

shall know any hurt.

No pain or fear

or depression or sin,

just peace and quiet,

asleep in our dens.

Eons stretch on

in the eternal tide.

All we can do,

is enjoy the ride.

Drowning

And I don't know why I still love you.
I don't know why I even care.
I don't know why I'm still thinking of you,
when I know you'll never be there.
I swear, I swear.
In my heart,
In my mind,
I am drowning all the time.
Just can't see the light.
I don't know,
what to do.
Still broken over you,
broken over you.

Out of Love

Falling out of love,
a lot like falling in.
Quiet desperation,
soul worn oh so thin.
Restless nights,
one sided fights,
battles you cant win.
Don't what to say,
or what to do,
only acting,
like a fool.
Such perilous parallels.
Life is too short,
to worry about anything.
Gone as dust in the wind.
No matter what we do,
we can never win.
Destiny is a farce.
A sham.
A cruel lie built to deceive.
Life is what we make it.
And I have made mine.
Made it tragedy.
Made it pain.
Made it sorrow.
Made it nothing.
And yet,
I still don't care.
Can't eat,
can't sleep,
can't read,
can't write.
I can do nothing
but let,
this slow life wane.

Undeserving

I am a putrid cesspool of depression and despair.
Let me dwell in the dark plane,
curled in a ball atop my wall.
I am forgotten existence,
a well of nothingness.
Never remaining happy,
a lost child,
heart, mind, and soul.
A pillar of gibbering insanity,
let me finish my work.
I will write,
until my final word flows,
upon the parchment of my demise.
All the things I used to enjoy,
faded from my id.
The super ego writhing in its death throws.
I am undeserving of love.

Displeasure of the Flesh

I want to feel joy.

Yet, I fail at forcing it to the surface.

I am a stranger to myself.

The only thing I really know,

Is that I am.

My heart, 

is full of anger, rage, and despair.

They are buried deep inside

A pit with walls of loneliness and sorrow. 

Always seeking yet never finding.

Eternally here, and never there.

I am slowly killed by earthly toxins,

dis-pleasures, of the flesh.

Life is short, and I am thankful.

Death of the Lion

Normally, he would be here.

Supping with the rest of the pride.

Joyously filling his belly.

Now my eyes are full of tears,

For in the cold earth, lies his hide.

oh my poor beautiful baby.

This is the first night, in so many years.

The sorrow washes like a tide.

And I just try to hold steady.

His roar was a mewl of the sweetest affection.

Noble, pure, and innocent.

And with never a hint of any indignation.

He was the happiest when he could sit in my lap.

Purring so contentedly.

He would arch his back and mew in his own special way.

His name was Leon. But I called him Leo, Lion.

Another King among cats.

I love him so very much, oh how I will miss him.

Hum Drum

There is so much to do.

Yet I can do none of it.

I can barely keep my eyes open,

or keep my face lifted.

I slept until late afternoon today.

And all I want to do,

is go back to bed.

Pain only increases,

body and soul.

My heart is weak,

my head is in agony,

and my lungs strain for breath.

The will to live barely clings.

Stubbornly hanging to a few threads.

At times I wake up,

and wish I hadn't.

So I sit here in abject boredom.

For nothing relieves my emptiness.

I am a hollow being wrought of misery.

Tired Despair

I just want to lay down and cry,

and yet I really don't know why.

All I want to do is fly,

far away after I die.

Things are going so awry,

my mind feels like its finally fried.

Will I make it to July?

That is something I can't descry.

Feels like I am being ignored

as I sit here so sad and bored

and think that I might be abhorred

by the ones I so adore.

Sadness now is my award,

misery my one accord.

Will I ever be restored?

Or will I fall upon my sword?

I wish that I didn't care

for my heart it is stripped so bare.

I run my fingers through my hair

as I lay here and despair.

My life is a short opere

that ends with eulogistic prayer.

Can I even be repaired?

I doubt it, I am too impaired.

I guess it is all a game,

one that is so long and lame.

One without a single aim,

except for misery and pain.

So I'll just sit here and complain

for on myself lies all the blame.

What can I ever reclaim?

Nothing, just what I became.

This Slow Death

I'm dying.

How long will it take?

This slow death wears upon me.

I know, I am on my way.

I eat like a bird,

yet I possess no hunger.

Not even a drop of desire,

to let food pass my lips.

Maybe that is why I am so tired?

But how can I eat?

The very thought of it makes me want to vomit.

Sleep, is the only thing I want.

The only thing I can seem to do.

My chest is tight,

and my thoughts are dim.

If its coming, let it come sooner than later.

What to Say

I do not know what to say,

I wish it all would go away.

Me, a broken jar of clay,

boring, hopeless, tragic play.

I am full of deep dismay,

sadness is all I convey,

nothing good do I display,

slowly here I do decay.

Lost here now within the fray,

wow these words are so cliche.

Life for me is grim and gray,

hope I don't wake to see the day.

What To Do?

I don't know what to do,

or how to do it.

Lost. wandering, forever

seeking a home I will never find.

Can't rise from the pit of despair

that I cast myself inside.

There is no hope for me,

not any longer.

My will is sapped,

a shambling zombie.

So very tired.

Now I lay me.

down to sleep,

I hope the dawn,

I do not see.

Feeling So Cold

I am less than nothing.

Not even a worm.

Done with any wanting.

Always cold, not warm.

I will be forgotten.

Not even a trace.

My soul is dark and rotten.

Oblivion my place.

No longer like living.

I am the undead.

Unworthy of forgiving,

Deep cold earth my bed.

Should have died at birth,

really wish i had,

I've no time for mirth,

with numbness I am clad.

Neither sad nor happy.

And not in between.

Epitome of crappy,

I'm but a latrine.

Just forget about me.

Not worthy of your time.

At least you can now be free,

as long as you aren't mine.

My mind is just  a desert,

frozen arctic ice.

With disaster I flirt,

I want no advice.

Please just someone kill me,

please just let me die.

This is my one last plea,

I beg you to comply.

Bringing Me Down

I'm bringing me down and that's bringing me down.

I do not know anything else.

I wear a shattered bleeding crown,

I just can't help myself.

Spiraling into my hell,

I'm ringing out the broken bells,

no one else can even tell,

the depths of fear that I here quell.

Suddenly I feel like fleeing

from myself and all my bleating,

oh this horrid sinking feeling,

like something upon me feeding.

Something evil and malignant,

but I know its but a figment.

I am just so damned indignant,

plus my brain's damaged equipment.

I am trapped within this world

my sails to never be unfurled.

Through this orbit I am hurled,

in fetal position curled.

I let down all those I love,

and they'd be wise to be rid of

this tainted crazy mutant dove,

far from them me yes they should shove.

So now I ruin everything

that was supposed to make me sing.

Addicted to my suffering

and all the trauma that it brings.

Unstarted Unfinished

This isn't going to work, is it.

Feed me platitudes.

The pretty lies that make us weep.

Forever unfinished, for we never started.

You obviously are not very interested in me.

That's how I feel, I can't deny it.

Nor will I try to any longer.

Always knew love was a myth.

Why do I even bother to seek it?

Its as if I try to catch God in my hand.

You are always there, talking to someone.

But I, get to hang in limbo.

Not that I blame you of course.

There's nothing to talk about.

Not with me at least.

I won't play head games.

Don't play hard to get.

It is a useless ploy on me.

At least you are able to love again.

Happiness^-1

Nothing that I ever do

can seem to help me break right through

the walls I've built with my issues,

I think my brain might need a coup.

I am lost within myself

and no one else can seem to help.

I am but a wailing whelp

crying out with painful yelp.

Always feeling so abandoned,

mired, lost, forgotten, stranded,

with despair my heart is branded,

need to have my head examined.

Constantly feel sad and tired,

misery all I've acquired,

lost all that I have desired,

my own mind I've not deciphered.

Yet More Emo Garbage

I am lost within my misery.

Eyes so dim that I can barely see.

Not sure what to do to be set free.

So tired of trying to be me.

Ready to give up the fight

I have lost most of my might

Body taunt, chest tight

fallen from the highest height.

Can't, eat, nor, sleep,

these, eyes, won't, weep

laying, silent, in a, heap,

upon me my death does creep.

Go away leave me alone,

let me suffer, wail, and moan,

for-ev-er more I am prone,

lost my universal tone.

Just, let, me, die,

I don't even want to try,

Won't, say, good, bye,

for, me, don't, cry.

I, am, so, cold

in and out, you have been told,

lungs, full, of, mold,

oh I feel so very old.

run, while, you, can,

I am just a shell of man.

see, my, gnarled, hands,

I can barely walk or stand.

I'm, the, one, whom

is filled to the brim with gloom.

I'm, my, 0wn, doom,

locked within my tired tomb.

Hate, this, wretched, life,

it is only pain and strife.

Bring, on, the, scythe,

death will be a welcome sight.

Trying and Failing

I try so hard at all I do

but that is not enough.

Twelve hour days at work, trudge through,

with only the difficult stuff.

Rarely a break, I do all I can take,

make enough just to barely get by.

My joy and my smile are terribly fake,

and I just want to lay down and cry.

Lonely, fatigued, and so very sore,

in the grand scheme I'm an ant.

Everything to me has become such a bore,

I try to stay happy, but can't.

My resolve, it quickly wears thin,

and soon I'll fall flat on my face.

Should have know that I couldn't win,

since I place last every race.

I wasted my life so I pay the price,

my currency, sorrow, despair.

My head it is trapped in unyielding ice,

and I find that I no longer care.

So I sit here and I think to myself,

"man... why do I even try?"

All that I want is on too high a shelf,

and so I keep reaching, that's why.

Heart of Ice

I can't sleep and I can't eat,

can barely even feel my feet.

I tongue my broken shattered teeth,

what happened to my belief.

Never meant to feel this way

but now it seems it's here to stay.

Locked within these cold hard veins,

from my cage never to stray.

I will be forever more,

trapped behind sorrows stout door.

I am frozen to the core,

with an icy frigid hoar.

Cover me with ice and cold,

rot my guts with arctic mold,

empty now my once full hold,

I am drifting uncontrolled.

Come aboard my ghastly ship,

and from my cup of sorrows sip.

Kiss my bleeding frozen lips,

from my chest my heart please rip.

Deep within this permafrost,

I am so happily lost.

On the sea of torment tossed,

on my heart, despair embossed.

Joy and hope and light and love,

far from me I'll have them shoved.

These are not things I am of,

what a sad pathetic rub.

I will molder here alone,

belting out with dreary drone,

metered with misery's moan,

such a sad and haunting tone.

Meaning What?

I don't mean to sound contrived

but I don't want to be alive.

Into death to take a dive

so deep that I do not survive.

Set me free from mortal chore

for life is such a horrid bore.

I just don't like it anymore

and want to walk the golden shore.

Each day is harder than the last

one that has come and now is past.

Untie me now from the mast

for misery is unsurpassed.

Every second getting closer

to the day I am no more sir.

Thought I could be a composer

but I was only a poser.

I wish tonight I could have slept

so death my life could intercept.

In my rest upon me crept

so dawn from my eyes was kept.

I think I should end my life

with pills or jump or  steely knife.

I'm just tired of the strife

the tragedy and pain so rife.

I am going to sleep now

and hope and pray and plead somehow.

That the gods do not allow

mine eyes to open on my brow.

Thought at first that love could save me

from my head so weak and hazy.

Now it seems a thought so crazy

for thoughts of hope were far too hasty.

And I know that somebody

will show her these words that I bleed.

Then she'll run farther from me

and her face I will never see.

Wish we could have had a chance

besides this long distance romance.

I am lost within my trance

and now within my mind we dance.

I love you so very much

that I know I am just a crutch.

My love for you now is such

that I won't taint you with my touch.

One day you will forget me

it won't be very hard you see.

At least then you will be free

from my epic tragedy.

Steel

Steel myself, for the worst,

still I know that it will hurt.

My heart is already broken,

From the words that lie unspoken.

Stumbling through a freezing blizzard,

barren lands frozen and withered,

hoping I will be delivered,

as I trudge so weak and shivered.

Arctic desert, hear its chime,

stretching till the dawn of time,

just a sliver of the rind,

of which lies inside  my mind.

Sheath my heart, metallic ice,

blanket it, much more than thrice,

numbness can, feel mighty nice,

when it is, your own device.

Force myself, to just not care,

about what will, or will not bear,

fruit praiseworthy, of its share.

Without trees, the orchard's bare.

Iron, copper, in my blood,

I can taste it, on my tongue,

I am golem, I am mud,

Irony, of atoms strung.

Ever looming constant battle,

tenuous defense from babble,

tempestuously tinny rattle,

tempest tossed, I try to grapple

with the thoughts within my head,

that so mal ig nan tly sperad.

"Think of other things instead"?

I TRY! But all I hear is DREAD!

Smoke another cigarette,

yoke up with some more regret,

frantically fight not to fret,

and lose, as I break out in sweat.

So I'll mire here alone,

whispering my haunting tone,

blowing on with dreary drone,

only reaping what I've sown.