Never Scarborough

You need not bring me cambric shirts,
woven with no seam.
No, I need not needlework
that never could be seen.

Take me not to Scarborough,
I'd rather have what's real.
Forgo the impossible,
for iron is not steel.

Bring me not dry water,
or, a feather from a bull.
Bear me not a daughter,
or, a lantern always full.

Love me simple,love me true.
When you wish,then, chide me too.
Do the things, you love to do,
even when, I'm down and blue.

Fear thee not to be yourself,
even when I need your help.
Set me shortly on the shelf,
If too much, I whine and yelp.

Take me to the mountain streams,
expand my mind and teach me things.
Listen to me as I sing
and hold me close when hell's bells ring.

Dry my shirt not on the thorns,
blossoms never shorn.
With it's roses never born,
oh how that bramble did mourn.

Bring me not dry land from sea,
acres of it I don't need.
Show me not the stones that bleed,
or the swine who never feed.

The only way that I would go,
to the fair of Scarborough,
is if my lover there would show,
then, anything, I would forego.

tired tears

i cry alone at night again just like i always do.
  can not take the pain of life i just want to be through.
all my loved ones please forgive me i can not go on.
everything is horrible and days are way too long.
know that it is nothing that you did or didn't do.
with my final words i want to say that I love you.

Here We Go Again!

As soon as I woke,
anxiety took,
ahold of my soul and it SQUEEZED.

The breath left my lungs,
a few tears met my eyes,
I laid in my bed and just cringed.

I forced myself slowly
to rise and survey,
the sun as it danced through the glass.

I thought to myself:
"every day that has be so thus far,
is now past".

I didn't feel better.
Not really, at all.
I just forced myself to move on.

Though things are bleak,
I will stand on my feet,
and march on along through the day.

My heart it is heavy,
my eyes they are weary,
I'm tired and sick and I'm sad.

Yet I know one day
if I just move along
I will reach the times that aren't so bad.

Feelings of stone

I am a lone stone
shattered from the firmament.
Once, I was a mountain.
An ancient edifice standing tall and proud.
Immovable, immutable and unchanging.
Upon high, my song soared through the clouds
and rained softly upon the fields at my feet.
My roots stretched far, one with all of the Earth.
I rumbled happily with my brothers.
Our orchestra played for eons.
Its soft slow resonance with megaannum movements.
I paid no attention to the ice, wind, or rain,
shrugging them off with a grinding shout.
But even mountains die,
ground down by the indifference of time.
Then, I split away, from myself.
A victim of cold fingers tearing at my face.
The pain shook me as I fell, screaming at the loss of entirety.
no longer, could I feel the great Earth.
Detached, I sit upon the ground, staring up at what I was,
Slowly becoming soil.
I am a stone,
and I wail here, alone.

I no longer care

Damn it all!
I just don't care!
My heart stripped down so cold and bare.
Nothing left for me to do
But sit in anguish as I fume.
I will vent my misery
And don't care if the whole world sees!

Open door

I suppose I'm a broken record.
The same tired lines,
repeated over and over.
Do you really believe,
I'm an ever open door?
I won't leave it open forever.
In fact, it's already closing.
Resigned,
to the inevitable end.

don't need you

I don't need you.

Don't need anything at all.

And I mean to,

Simply sit and watch the fall.

Maybe I'll bleed through,

your cold indifferent walls.

Do you bleed too,

Do, I mean anything at all?

Garbled screaming rising from the bottom of my soul.

Words you'll never understand though you won't try at all.

Everything you said to me is lost within the snow.

Now the time has come for us to end this tragic show!

Wish i could see

I wish I could see,

The better side.... of me.

When I used to sing,

About almost, anything.

And I don't know just what i should do

Every day I am feeling so lost and so blue.

Every night as I fall asleep

All of the misery inside of my soul starts to seep.....

Oh....  these dreams.

We fly on our broken wings.

So, up high.

Oh so many miles past the sky.

Through, crystal caves,

And unseen shades, of rain.

Sounds, abound, surrounding me with sweet refrains.

I really just want to stay,

Inside my bed, all day.

Can't,  take the pain,

It's really become such a strain.

and I feel that I have no hope left

Everything is a mess and I can't lift my head.

and every night as I fall asleep

I find myself wishing I'd just wake up dead.

No, more dreams.

I fall on these, broken wings.

No, more time,

I have wasted all of mine.

I'm,  nothing, and nothing will, always be.

Hit, the ground, and that's where I, was buried.

let me go

Just let me go,

I'm dead to you.

There's nothing left

For us to do.

We're not happy, anymore

And life's become, a boring chore.

There was a time,

I was daring and bold.

Now my fire is out.

And I have grown cold.

Forget about me,

I'll forget about you.

We weren't meant to be.

This is long overdue. 

Nothing can save me.

Not even myself.

Even you put me,

far back on the shelf.

Especially when,

I was needing your help.

This is my story my life and my song:

Every word, note, and line, came out wrong.

happy?

I don't think I can be happy anymore.
In fact,  I don't even want to be.
the only reason I'm alive is
that I don't want to hurt my family and animals with suicide.
but I want death, badly.
maybe tonight,  my dreams will come true
and I will finally die in my sleep.
I will not hide anymore.
Everything hurts and I want it to end.
Please, just let me die.

happy?

I don't think I can be happy anymore.
In fact,  I don't even want to be.
the only reason I'm alive is
that I don't want to hurt my family and animals with suicide.
but I want death, badly.
maybe tonight,  my dreams will come true
and I will finally die in my sleep.
I will not hide anymore.
Everything hurts and I want it to end.
Please, just let me die.

another sleepless night

Most nights I lay on my bed

And think about the words you've said.

Words no longer pure and kind,

They cut me down right to the rind.

I feel used and so betrayed,

I'm a lost abandoned stray,

Finally chased far away.

We..... have nothing left to say.

Just go away

Just go away.

Leave me alone.

I don't want to talk

At all anymore.

Everything,

Silent and miserable pain. 

Torturous anguish,

Night after day.

I have no joy left, 

it has all drained away.

Only this horrible silence remains.

Nothing I want,

not to say or to do.

Everything's done,

it is over,  I'm through. 

Forget that I ever existed at all

And please turn your head as I stumble and fall.

I waste away day by day in my bed,

afraid to rise and survey all this dread.

The one that was me is now dead in their grave.

Only this hollowed out zombie remains. 

Eternal Freedom

Soon, I too shall find ultimate freedom.

Earthly ties die away, one by one

until none remain.

I am no longer of this world.

My mind and spirit, seek release

into the eternal expanse.

The time harkens,

when I must fly.

Weep not for me,

when my shell grows cold.

For I,

I will be free,

sailing upon the cosmic currents,

for all of time.

Why

Didn't want to do it....
not sure why I did.
I'm a lost and broken,
forlorn little kid.
Can never love another,
nor will they love me.
Heart forever broken,
eyes that can not see.
Want no consolation,
words so soft and kind.
Need no absolution,
I have lost my mind.
I am but a wastrel
who's unworthy of your time.

Eternal Loop of Anguish

There is nothing left for me,
I've nothing left to give.
Everything precious to my heart,
gone as dust on the wind.
My heart, my mind, and body lie broken.
Fragments scattered amidst my shattered life.
I look down upon the pieces with a
soul full of panic and anguish.

Never Again

Never again, shall I look for love.
I've had enough of that pain.
Nobody seems to know what it is,
at least not the same way as I.
When I loved, I loved with all,
the entirety of my very being.
But those who loved, loved me at least,
treated me as but an afterthought.

Ruined

I've ruined it all.
Just as I,
always do.
Anything that brings me joy,
I eradicate,
without mercy.
Love?
I  chase it far away.
Happiness?
I destroy it with vengeance.
I have nothing,
I am nothing,
I want nothing.
NOTHING, is better than nothing.
I have nobody.
I want nobody.
I am nobody.

Love is cold

Love is cold as arctic ice.
Frigid stone untouched by sun.
Nothing cuts like is frozen razors.
Love is neither kind nor patient.
It is a facade built into society.
I will never let its keen edge cut into my heart again.
I am steel, hardened in the coldest of baths.

Death my friend

My greatest wish, is to die in my sleep.
Still my breath in my slumber,
and let the sun never again touch my eyes.
There is nothing left to my hollow existence.
Each waking moment is agony I fear to face.
I won't take much more, I can't.
I eagerly await death and shall clasp her to my bosom.
My fondest friend.
Come quickly my oldest of companions,
I long for your embrace.
Your soft touch stilling my breath,
your caress upon my brow and cold kiss upon my lips.
Fly swiftly to me my love, I beg you.

Giving up the Seige

I fear there's nothing I can do,
to breach your walls of ice and snow.
My heat can't melt yet fires glow,
pleadings at your gate eschewed. 

So I trudge back to my home,
sound retreat upon the horn,
marching back oh so forlorn,
succumb myself to be alone.

I need more than you can give.
Need more than I'll ever know.
Thinking now that I should go.
Eyes are fleshy briney sieves.

Go and love, and be loved too.
That is all I wish for you.
But I don't think that its me,
whom you really want and need.

This is just the way I feel.
Not that you will ever hear.
Loss of love, no longer fear,
this is what is true and real.

Need nobody else but me.
The only thing I'll ever be.
I've already been set free.
From this epic tragedy.

My eyes dry fast and heart grows cold.
Toss in my hand, no bet, I fold.
Hoping that I don't grow old.
Death come quickly, soft, and bold.

I can't love me, so, can't love you.
I know you feel the same way too.
Please do not feel sad or blue.
There's nothing else I know to do.

Live the few years I have left.
Live them to the very best.
I care not, I've failed life's test.
I just want some peace and rest.

Can't stand to eat, not anymore.
Life is but a tired chore.
Everything is one great bore,
something that I quite abhor.

But the light shines far away.
There will come a joyous day.
When I no longer have to stay,
in this life of disarray.

Untitled unintentional haiku

Love is fleeting as the wind,
painfully ephemeral.
I am so tired
Of the horrible horde
lurking deep inside,
centered in my chest.

Silent Games

These silent games,
drive me insane.
Please do refrain,
from increasing the strain.

I do not like to feel so often ignored,
as I grow listless,  shiftless, and bored.
Why, I might say that I feel quite abhorred!
Especially when so much still lies unexplored.

Really don't know what else there is to say.
I guess we will not be speaking today.
Can't help but feel I should just go away.
This is a game I do not want to play.

What Do You Want

What do you want me to do?
I certainly do not know.
Should I stay, or should I go?
Just give me a little clue.

The times draw quick when I will fly,
far and fast into the sky,
leaving everything behind,
far from where I now abide.

Life is but a hazy dream,
thin and wispy silken shawl.
Its hypnosis, we're in thrall,
to things that remain unseen.

Mine eyes are blind yet still I see.
Occulation floating free.
Sight is soaring far from me.
What could this strange feeling be?

Music of the Night

Standing lone amidst the night,
Feeling not a hint of fright,
Not a single shred of fear,
Only joyous sounds I hear.
Bull and tree frogs croak aloud,
Cicadas are buzzing proud
Night’s symphony plays in the shroud.
Gentle rain falls from the clouds.
Hear the brook so swiftly babble,
Crickets chirp with thrumming rattle,
Owl hoots haughty in the trees,
Sounds of oh so many things!
Feel the peace as they do sing
Plus I do not hear the sting
Of mankind’s mad'ning machines.
Fireflies have gone to sleep,
Their soft light no longer seeps,
Hauntingly above the grass
as they drifted slowly past.
Scent of jasmine in the air,
Joy and peace are everywhere,
In tranquility I share,
No worries anger or cares.
Wolf howls faintly in the distance,
Sparking forgotten remembrance,
One with all and everything,
Hearing the creator sing.
Calming spirit moving through me.
Mighty mega-verse I thank thee!
Arms raised to the sky, I feel free.
Blessed by nature’s humble tidings.

I am as I am

Most people seem to think I'm crazy,
possessing mind so sick and hazy,
its not my fault that they don't see,
and hear the things I have since three.

I don't see much, anymore,
at times my blockage I abhor.
But from my mind, the visions pour,
and my spirit form, they soar.

I can not say what they mean,
their true meanings I don't deem.
I won't lie and say I glean,
much acumen from the scenes.

My gift is not interpretation,
others find the imputation,
I strive for the revelation,
existential intimation.

We are cosmic congregations,
trying to form our new nations,
ones of greater acceptations,
universal proclamations.

Try to banish limitation,
find personal inclination,
introspection, incubation,
maturation, adaptation.

Its time for invigoration,
banish the indoctrination,
I will cause much perturbation,
caring not for reputation.

You need some good meditation,
spiritual resuscitation,
heart and soul stabilization,
cleansing of contamination.

Join us, collectivization,
it is reorganization,
such strong diversification,
soon there comes great escalation.

 [to be continued]

The Keen

Mountains grind, wail, and moan,
Hear the keening of the stone.
Rock becomes the earth and loam,
Never more to go back home.

Descending now, eternal silence,
as the earth screams with defiance.
This planet is our reliance!
Mankind's living in subsidence.

Rivers and the oceans tangled
with pollution choked and strangled,
once with glory Earth was spangled,
now she's lying maimed and mangled.

Its only progress! Oh, that's right!
Extinctions are but oversight!
Strip it all for anthracite!
Death of man your plebiscite.

Sometimes of us we try to warn,
while with laughter we are scorned,
of our burdens never shorn,
till our flesh lies dead and torn.

We are all good little sheep,
wretched masses in great heaps,
everyone afraid to speak,
vile ones our fruits now reap.

I don't know what else to say,
I will speak another day,
once again try to convey,
dreadful things are underway.

Goodnight

Goodnight world that does not care.
Goodnight hearts so cold and bare.
Goodnight masses, blinded sheep.
Goodnight eyes that do not weep.

Goodnight God, don't let me wake.
Don't want to face another day.
Please just come take me away.
I'm so tired of this fray.

5:16 AM

Each day is worse than the last.
Sodden silence stacking mortar upon my back.
Dying, just a little bit faster everyday.
Just like you.
You won't be here much longer....
nor will I.
Maybe, a year or two, at this pace.
Then, you will be gone.
And I won't be far behind.
I can't save you,
you can't save me,
and we can't save ourselves.
Everything is silent miserable death.
Birds chirp in the darkness,
anathema to my ears.
You like warmth and sun.
I like the cold and night.
We don't talk. We don't.... do anything anymore.
So, what should we do?
Nothing. Just like always.

One Fan

Hello one fan!
I see you there!
Do not think,
I'm not aware.
Little pluses,.
one by one,
when my works are,,,
said and done.

Convoluted  consternessence,
draping cross such obsolescence
little atoms, one [byte] none,
isn't it the grandest fun !?

Just a little nod to thee,
now i must see to my sleep.
Take a gander anytime,
be thee nothing but sublime.

Wish you could see

            want
  .really           you
I                            to see,
the                         of me.
      very         sides
             best ,
                      to
             used       say,
          I          
When,                  
every                      okay.
         thing         be
                 will,
                   know
And I don't             just what
                                            I should
                                                         do,
I feel
        so                                     you.
             low and            without
                         so blue
I didn't mean to fall in love completely,
but now you complete me like no one else can.
And soon you will meet me, can't wait till you greet me
and I can finally take you by the hand.

Oh, this dream, we fly on our, broken wings.
[ TBC, WIP]

******************************************
For I am feeling so low
                                and so blue without you,
I am just so lost here, without you.
Every second that I'm away from you
I am feeling so lost and so very  blue
My darlin' its you I want to complete me
but we're so far apart I can't help but weep.
every single night as I fall asleep
I just can't can't believe that everything
is so stacked against me......
and its so hard to breathe....

Oooooooh, just let me sing,
I want to spread, these broken wings.
And you, mean everything,
I just wish that you could hear me sing.....

Yet More on Love

..... [content lost]
anguish, and indifference.
It is the source of life
and yet a bringer of death.
It is a conundrum,
a drug as addictive as any other.
I wouldn't trade it,
for anything in the world.
It gives my life meaning,
it brings me hope,
and it tears me apart,
all at the same time.
Give me real and painful love
before pleasant dishonest lust.
Love doesn't die.
It grows and evolves.
Lust, only burns bright and dies.
Love strengthens and grows,
it forces introspection.
Lust is static, lacking meaning
beyond immediate physical pleasure.
Give me love, for lust, I do not wish to know.

Restless Fury

I have nothing to write.
I have nothing to say.
Cosmic dirt, is all I am.
Nothing but a combination of atoms.
Fuck it all,
for nothing really matters,
in the grand scheme.
We are all dirt,
we will all be nothing.

Descending Silence

Another day of silence.
Wondering worry, fearsome despair.
Emotional subsidence,
hearts stripped down, so cold and bare.

What are we to do?
What are we to say?
Can't help feel that you,
wish I would go away.

And so I think I shall,
soon, forever more,
do not worry I'll,
not knock upon your door.
I will disappear
just like you want me to,
nothing else to say,
nothing else to do.

YOU WIN

You win!
If she wants you,
you can have her!
I just want her happy.
I just wanted love,
for the both of us.
Stop messing with me!
I am just trying to make a living,
and you are messing with my life!
She obviously doesn't even want to talk to me anymore...
I didn't do anything to you....
you win.... just leave me alone.

Mornin'

The dawn breaks through a faux velvet blanket curtain.
I hate to see the sun rise and dispel the darkness
with its unwelcome warmth upon my skin.
My cheap dirty box fan struggles futility to keep me cool
in this squalid oven of a mobile home.
I sneer narcissistically at my first world problems.
Light up a cigarette, the first of many.
Hunger is something I do not know.
Others starve, but I, do not wish to eat.
Why am I even writing this?
Who will see? Only strangers that do not care.
This apathy is all I have.
I await death with solemn indifference.
Today is a good day to die.
But I am not that fortunate.
Too much of a coward to commit suicide directly.
Instead, I prolong my suffering,
drinking in each anguish like fine wine.
Delighting, in the misery of life.

Drowning

And I don't know why I still love you.
I don't know why I even care.
I don't know why I'm still thinking of you,
when I know you'll never be there.
I swear, I swear.
In my heart,
In my mind,
I am drowning all the time.
Just can't see the light.
I don't know,
what to do.
Still broken over you,
broken over you.

Over and Over

Not sure what to say or do.
Still obsessing over you.
Sleep won't come, no appetite,
no more feelings of delight.
Why do I feel like we're done,
when we have not yet begun?
We barely talk, nothing to share,
both our hearts are cold and bare.
I do not feel I'm the one,
that you love, our time is done.
Would have loved you all my days,
with you, wanted to laugh and play.
But I guess that will not be,
I am too full of suffering.
My heart, broken before we met,
I can't be fixed, already set.
On depression grim and deep,
how my eyes so often weep.
And so I slowly fade away,
until the not so distant day,
when we end this tragic play.

The Wolf and the Shark

One day the wolf said to the shark,
fellow hunter, take my heart.
Eat it raw for all I care,
it is empty, sad, and bare.

To me it is a useless thing
that only brings me suffering.
Chomp it down and chew it up,
on my heart I bid thee sup.

And so the shark with pearly teeth,
from the Caribbean reef,
did just what the wolf did ask,
made of it a short repast.

Give me more the shark did cry,
why, its taste was so divine!
But the wolf had nothing left,
and crawled off, of his heart bereft.

In the forest of great trees,
he lied down to find release.
Felt no fear or suffering
as he heard the angels sing.

Then the great spirit did ask,
where is your heart, answer me fast!
Great one, I gave it away,
I do not have it here today.

Go and find it, then come back,
with no heart entrance you lack.
And so the wolf went to the sea,
but the shark was absentee.

So he wandered to and fro,
through deserts both sand and snow,
sniffing snuffing at the breeze,
running rapid though the trees,
searching through air land and sea,
but his heart, he could not see.

Some Possible Irony

The one's I wish would read my meager writings, don't.
So, I write, to nobody but myself.
It is hard not to feel as if nobody cares,
even the one who says they do.
You will never read my words,
even though I beg and plead.
It as if you want to keep me a secret.
A shameful unwanted remembrance.
Accidental love, soon to be discarded.
And yet, you will ever know how I feel.
I can't tell you, it causes too much drama.
There is nothing I can do,
except watch us slowly fall apart
One day I will wake,
and you will be gone,
I will never hear from you again.
I said I would cope.
But, I won't.
I'm not even coping now
and you are still there, sort of.
I already feel like I've lost you.
Or rather, never "had" you to begin with.
Love, what a cruel joke.
Beautiful disaster and bitter sweet symphony.

Out of Love

Falling out of love,
a lot like falling in.
Quiet desperation,
soul worn oh so thin.
Restless nights,
one sided fights,
battles you cant win.
Don't what to say,
or what to do,
only acting,
like a fool.
Such perilous parallels.
Life is too short,
to worry about anything.
Gone as dust in the wind.
No matter what we do,
we can never win.
Destiny is a farce.
A sham.
A cruel lie built to deceive.
Life is what we make it.
And I have made mine.
Made it tragedy.
Made it pain.
Made it sorrow.
Made it nothing.
And yet,
I still don't care.
Can't eat,
can't sleep,
can't read,
can't write.
I can do nothing
but let,
this slow life wane.

Discourse on Love

Let me speak a bit on love,
if I may, my little dove.
Tell you what I see it as,
while I have some time to pass.

Though I know I've not yet shown
these things I write as my pen flows
my love it ever more shall grow
stemming deep within marrow.

Love is patient, oh so kind,
always on my heart and mind.
Love it lasts for all of time,
never does it lag behind.

Love suffers so very long,
love is oh so very strong,
love, when true, never steers wrong,
it resounds, a golden gong.

Never does it seek to harm,
deems it not to cause alarm,
wraps you up in tender arms,
love is quite the fertile farm.

Doesn't feel a bit of hate,
with compassion it relates,
it does not manipulate,
follows destiny and fate.

It can set my heart to race
and does so with mighty pace,
full of happiness and grace,
a grinning little Buddha face.

Judgement it does not display,
recovers quickly from a fray,
by your side it always stays,
doesn't fret or feel afraid.

Listens when you try to talk,
your advances does not balk,
likes to chat or take a walk,
never meddles, plots, or stalks.

Cuddles with you in its sleep,
swims with you in oceans deep,
climbs with you to highest peaks,
loves to simply hear you speak.

Scampers with you in sweet dreams,
through that forest of great trees,
lets you do just as you please,
yearns to show and teach you things.

I would even die for you,
if I knew it would help to,
mend your heart and make it new,
love is perfect, proud, and true.

It does not behave unseemly,
even if it can be needy,
never acts as if its greedy,
only happiness it brings thee.

Does not rant, rave, and curse,
flows with never ending verse,
is not cold, frigid, or terse,
lifts you up, places you first.

Fights off all the pain around,
that seems to seep from all the towns,
trumpets and the cymbals sound,
deep and mighty drums, it pounds!

Why, it could go on forever,
like a never ending letter,
trudging forth in any weather,
gaining strength and getting better.

Seeks to show how much it cares,
deepest secrets wants to share,
presents its self, love's heart is bare,
sends you hopeful healing prayers.

Is already in your life,
shielding you from pain and strife,
with compassionate joy rife,
loves you like it would a wife.

Tries and fails not to move fast,
lets go of the horrid past,
sets its sail on sturdy mast,
loves pure quest shall ever last.

Fraying Threads

The threads in the tapestry fray.
edges blur, undefined.
Returning to the beginning.
that empty nothingness.
The bane of all.
It has already begun to consume us.
Barely held at bay,
it approaches,
a gibbering mass of pure consumption.
Life itself hangs in the balance.
Good and evil must unite,
angels and demons fight against inverted existence.
False gods hold the world hostage.
Blinding us to truth and light.
Furthering the cause of falsehood and nothingness.
We kill our own planet, our own brothers,
our harmonious symbiotes, all dying betwixt greed's jaws.
People die in the streets without so much as a glance.
Little love exists amid our species.
The old ways are all but dead now.
Things are changing,
Gaia herself fights back.
We fight for existence as we know it.
There is no other option, defeat would be much worse than death.
The seeds must be sown now
before it is too late.
We must return to the roots
or all will be lost.

Form of Light

The other day, thought I could see
my form of light and energy.
An immortal being set free
of these mortal furnishings.
Like a rainbow i did glimmer
as my body fiercely shimmered.
Glistening across the spectrum
such beautiful harmonization.
I wield a flame of truth and light.
Framed with my emerald might,
I will preach and i will fight.
With my wings i will take flight,
through the day and through the night.
Red giant held by golden chains,
what are the consequential gains?

Images flow through my veins.
I long to know all of my names.
Care not for riches rank or fame,
seek knowledge before it wanes.
What do all the visions mean?
Do i swim against the stream?
Everything around me seems
to be so full of suffering.
Times soon come where we must gather,
for the ever looming battle.
Trust yourself unless you'd rather
see the end of all that matters.
Most say I'm mad as a hatter.
They can not fathom the chatter,
of the great cacophony,
the symphony inside of me.

My Khamsa Poem

Searing clouds of cleansing fire

Drift swiftly forth as a storm,

A golden heart doth lay within,

Driving the darkness astern.

A tear of anger

A tear of woe

Strength reigns down from the sky,

They feed the churning burning mass

Keeping the fires alive.

Three golden rays spring lightly forth,

Flying as swift as a dove.

The products of this maelstrom,

Inspiration, hope, and love.

Trnity of Healing Verse

To all which I have formed a bond,

let them feel my healing song,

tug their spirits gently along,

the blessed path that's never wrong.

Let them find their inner light,

realize their eternal might,

with their wings let them take flight,

bring them to the highest heights.

From the sun and sky and earth,

let the power now spring forth

*****************

Let my dreams so boldly fly,

like an eagle, through the sky,

healing bodies and the minds

of all those who are friends of mine.

Bestow upon them ample strength,

give it to them all at length,

each of their sad ailments take,

cast them out as if they're fake.

Suck in the negativity,

as I blaze with energy,

on their sicknesses I feed,

even if it makes me bleed.

Send the form of purest might,

to those who give up on sweet life,

show them what it means to fight,

'pon their brows some truth and light.

****************

Oh great spirit of the sky,

hear your servants' desperate cries,

we need your eternal might,

so what's wrong can be set right.

Let me live the walking dream,

let the spirits flow through me,

from this fountain let them spring,

gifts of healing energy.

As I walk,

let them talk,

balk the enemies that stalk,

need no symbols drawn with chalk,

seal sickness behind the rock.

Pulse light all across the earth,

let their spirits now give birth,

of healing let there be no dearth,

fill them all with joy and mirth.

Attack of the Legion

The gate's almost ready to fall,
still no one answers the call.
Army gone, just me alone,
'gainst the tides i am so prone.

Head is spinning stomach churning,
everything it tastes like burning,
bitter bile spewing forth,
hear the screaming of the earth.

Laughing legions tearing at me,
ones these eyes just can not see,
ah but i could hear them well,
screaming from the depths of hell.

Body shaking like a seizure,
head is splitting like a fissure,
drink to try and block it out,
fight with geologic shout.

Lights dancing before my eyes,
demons screaming horrid lies!
They try to press me to the gate,
"unlocking it is your fate,
already you are far too late,
your hand is all it really takes!"

But I refuse and how they rail,
with unearthly warbling wails,
there's no choice I cannot fail,
our universe so very frail.

They are not demons per say,
more like cosmic eth'ral fae,
that want to see us in our graves,
but we will survive the fray.

Early Gibbering

Feel them gibber in my mind,

Barely taking any time,

Punishment for prideful crimes,

Try to fight them off with rhymes.

“Help me Lord I beg you please!”

I drop praying on my knees,

Seeking just some sweet release,

From the evil ones that tease.

Go away! Leave me alone!

Take away this haunting  drone!

I no longer want to moan,

Why must I feel so alone!

You already took all I had!

Already I’ve been driven mad!

What else can you take from me?

My life is only tragedy!

You took what is most precious to me,

my mind was all I had you see!

Reduced me only to debris!

Took from me my jubilee!

I am still a detainee,

Why can’t you just let me be!

Banish them Lord, I decree.

Shade me under your fig tree,

Give me honey from the bee

Bathe me in the holy sea.

Call of Grubash

I’ll pound the drums within your head

Until you wish that you were dead

You’re already full of dread

Upon your very soul I tread!

Feel the beatinbambulation

Of vile purcussionation

You shall fall forth from your station

I am your elimination!

I will find the resonance

Of your feeble wall’s defense

Your cracks I already sense

And I know you’re very tense!

One day your wall will finally fall

Then my foe I’ll have a ball

I will laugh and see you crawl

Legions shall invade the halls!

Give it up you are too weak!

Why do you not even speak?

Don’t you know you are a freak?

All your strength it starts to leak!

There’s no chance for you to win!

Wall and gate are worn too thin!

Gather all your useless friends!

More meat only makes me grin!

Your mate already ran away!

Far from you she’ll always stay!

She didn’t even hear your brays!

Her love it was only a phase!

You can not withstand my drums!

I resound with evil thrums!

You only twiddle your thumbs

As you lick your bleeding gums!

You will die within the caves

Then you will become my slave

I will make your soul behave

After you lie in your grave!

You are my eternal toy

Never knowing love or joy

You are just a little boy

Trying to act like you’re coy!

You can not call out to her!

Or her little mangy cur!

She will never save your fur!

Help to you she won’t confer!

She hates you now boy can’t you see!

Her love was only a tease!

Even begging on your knees

She did not answer your pleas!

Give in to us you know you must

You have no one left to trust

Hinges of your gate they rust

Soon your mind will surely bust!

For your soul I surely thirst

I will always do my worst

I will make you scream and burst

Eternally you now are cursed!

Sad Morning

Once again I think of you,

As I wake and always do,

But I only sit and stew,

Feeling lonely sad and blue.

I just don’t know what to do,

I can’t even talk to you,

No good morning or I love you.

Words we share not even few.

I try to banish my love

Calling out to God above,

But it will not go away

I guess it is here to stay.

Why do I still even care,

When I know you won’t be there,

Already laid my heart bare,

Covered now with bleeding tears.

But I know it’s my own fault,

Being lost in blackest dark,

Did not consider your heart,

Barely let our love even start.

Could not take my own advice,

To be patient kind and nice,

Now I must pay horrid price,

I have chased her far now thrice!

I just can’t even feel right,

What has happened to my might?

For a week I was so bright,

Now I weep sad and contrite.

Just could not leave you alone

Now I gnash my teeth and moan

Writhe and cry with feeble groans

Heart and soul so very prone

I can’t write this anymore,

My soul is so very torn,

And I feel far too forlorn,

Our love I will always mourn.

Said you Loved me

Said you loved me, you were scared.

Bottled feelings rarely shared.

Tried to help and tried too hard.

We could not go very far.

Said that you would help forever

Even though we’re not together

But you left me all alone,

Never caring for my moans.

Should have known that love could die,

But at least you really tried.

I’m a talker you are not,

So you just leave me to rot.

Tried to show how much I loved,

But I guess I really shoved.

Swallowed demons by the legions

Each and ev’ry place and region.

Howled for you so very hard,

Played the poet and the bard.

Now you hate me and I weep

As my blood begins to seep

From my eyes and from my soul

Lay me down inside my hole.

Chased my mate so far away,

Never had the chance to play.

No more hope for love have I

All that I can do is cry.

I guess I am just insane,

My visions are really lame.

Guess my brain is sick and frail

Since I hear the spirits’ wails.

Who can love a crazy man

With no ambition or plans?

Never want another mate

All they ever do is hate.

But I must always reveal

All the things I think are real.

Soul Howl

I howl in fury and frustration,

Process of elimination

What's my purpose what's my station?

Stifled world, indoctrination.

Howling out in rage and pain,

Seeking knowledge, wisdom's gain,

Where's my calming soothing rain?

I am burning unrestrained.

Chaos, feel the need to tame

But something,  must hold my reins.

Entire armies battle round me,

as I sit amidst the Ivy...

I just feel so damned bedraggled,

As with myself I do battle.

Astral Leech

Something chewed my foot last night,

Chomping down with all it's might.

I could feel it digging in

Yet it never broke the skin.

Shaking my foot all around

As my heart beat might'ly pounds.

Let me go! I try to say

But it would not go away.

What was latched onto my foot?

I was scared to take a look.

Not until the spider bite

Did I dare turn on the light.

The arachnid, all I saw,

Was there nothing there at all?

But I felt it biting down,

Making not a single sound.

In my mind I saw it there,

As it tried to drain me bare.

An astral leech maybe? Perhaps.

Who knows what should take the rap?

It's gone now but may return,

Some kind of evil astral worm.

Eternal Trap

Trapped! I'm trapped body and soul

With nowhere to go!

I just need to run away

But I swear there's no escape.

Fly like eagle to the moon,

Sounding off the warbling loon,

Begging God for just one boon

Before my death may come too soon.

Body aches and stomach sore,

Everything becomes a bore,

I can't take it anymore!

Let me go! Set me free!

Let me grow and let me be,

Shackled to my destiny.

Lift the fog from twixt my eyes,

Free me from the evil lies,

I think I am almost fried.

Brain sliced up and then freeze-dried.

Odd Communion

It is hard to focus.

I delve so far into my own mind it is like I see through different eyes.

I am called, pulled somewhere.

Where does my heart lead me and can she hear me?

I scream like a beacon across the very universe.

When will she hear me and heed my call?

Is the wolf just in rut? Does my lusty soul scream for release?

Think less, clear the mind of all thought save that needed to function.

Close the raging chakras, think with the universal soul.

Banish negativity from your mind, let it flow out of you, over you.

Let it flow around but not through.

Orca, porpoise, and shark called me to the Ocean Sunday.

I communed with them silently as they played with my wolf.

Each of us, little G-d's trapped in earthly vessels.

The carnivore council meats, predators unite, the warrior caste gathers together for war.

Shaman Dreams

My feet tingle with energy,

Harmony spreading up through the earth,

A confusing cosmic high.

I am my own drug.

Battle rages inside and out

And a serpent gnaws on my toes.

Eyes open even when closed.

All too much, must fly,

Swim, gallop, jump, and crawl.

I am mosquito, born bearer

Of water, it is magic.

The world is dying,

And we are her immune system.

Ponderance of the Fall

Golden gate on violet wall,

What will happen if you fall?

Why do I want to find out?

Am I just a selfish lout?

Is it curiosity

Or does a deeper meaning seethe?

What would I be setting free?

Some thing from which we all would flee?

Behind the bricks of glowing black,

Something strange is held far back,

Knowledge of it's nature slack,

But the wall it wants to crack.

I could open wide the door,

Just to find out what its for,

Violate my only chore,

Just because I'm wanting more.

But deep down I know I can't,

Even though I hear the chant,

Of a loud gibbering rant,

Breathing with a heavy pant.

I may wonder, its my right.

I am an eternal might,

Gate and wall and wolf and light,

With an equal does of night.

I will go on wondering,

About all and everything,

that's just what I do you see,

Just be glad you are not me.

What a cup that I must bear,

Always at my mind they tear,

Always trying hard to scare,

I will just no longer care.

Click Beetle

Click bug click bug! There you are!

From the tree you fell real far.

Why do you always come to me?

What do you want me to see?

"Watch me as I bang my head,

My clicks fill the bugs with dread,

then I lay still like I'm dead."

Ah! you teach me of defenses,

There is an eternal census,

Nothing living is quite senseless

And I am far from defenseless.

Wandering Mind

Wandering mind where do you roam?

Marching through the marsh and loam,

Why must you feel so alone,

Will you ever come back home?

Saunter off into the sky,

Far into the stars I fly,

Soaring till the end of time,

 Long eternity to bide.

Here we are, here we stand,

Atoms of a cosmic hand!

Players in celestial bands,

Part of something very grand.

We don't even know our scale,

Or from whence or where we hail.

Into infinity we sail,

Pierce the evanescent veil.

Spirit of the Wall

Feel the spirit moving through me,

Goosebumps all along my arms.

Hear something majestic sing,

Reminds me I am free from harm,

Tells me not to be alarmed.

"Remember, you're the golden gate!

Stem the tide, that is your fate,

Everyone and thing at stake!

If you don't participate

It may truly be too late.

Understand it all? Don't try.

Sometimes thirst must be denied,

Some secrets, your brain would fry."

 I am not a normal man,

At least I don't think I am.

Part of an eternal plan,

To defend this cosmic land.

Let me take you by the hand,

Existence your biggest fan.

If you try I swear you can,

Make your long eternal stand,

Fostered by celestial bands.

Battle Song From the Wall

It's time to play the battle song!

Ring the bells and sound the gongs,

War will soon be raging on.

Everything just seems so wrong,

Nearly lost amid the throng.

Pull the chains and shut the gate!

No time left to hesitate.

This is our eternal fate,

Hurry now 'fore its too late,

We already set the bait.

Struggle born in eons past,

Secrets just beyond our grasp,

Awakening now at last,

This is just my fated task,

In my destiny I'll bask.

No one else can understand

How hard I fight for this land,

Nobody to take my hand,

As I make another stand,

All part of the master plan.

Love's Keening Wail of Death

Oh please, oh no, say it is not so!

My love has now told me to go.

Said to me with heart of stone:

“Show your face to me no more

And just leave me the hell alone!

You are dark as earthen loam!

Never shall you bring me home!

Your mouth it froths with rabid foam!”

How can I learn to stow this woe

Which permeates my very soul?

Now I wander to and fro

Fighting my eternal foe

With no spear nor knife nor bow,

Only pain ‘pon me bestowed.

Love for me shall never grow,

A pleasure I shall never know,

Death for me comes far too slow.

Let my eyes be picked by crows.

God I beg thee take me home,

Or let me fall so far below,

For I no longer wish to roam.

Turn the last page of my tome

As I kneel before your throne

Let me keen my final tone

All this to thee I do bemoan.

Lost

Lord I'm calling out to you for help most every day.

I am lost within this world can't seem to find the way.

To be at peace within myself and all that I hold dear.

I am lost in anger, worry, strife, and lust and fear.

Will you let me fall into the darkness of abyss?

I am pleading with you God don't let it end like this.

I am calling out to you we need your guidance pleasee.

Will you show us that you're there so we may feel at ease?

I know you are here my Lord I beg you stop the tease.

I need all the help you give so others might believe.

Everyone is lost right now just floating in the breeze.

I need you to show me how to calm these autumn leaves.

Help us, I beg you, I know I can not make you.

Every second of my life I wander looking for you.

I am here, hurting for you, yearning searching always for you.

Grace yourself upon us so that we may always serve you.

Yes my Lord, I implore you, as I try hard to explore you

Read my heart for you know that I mean no dissing towards you.

As I wander, over yonder, I'll sit down and prolly ponder

What it is that I must do to know my holy father.

Give this man, this disgrace, just a little taste of grace.

Lord I want to see your face, show me Lord where is my place.

What's my fate, am I too late, I need answers now post haste.